Can i not drive my cunt home
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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