What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
