Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
