Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
