just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
