your thong is hanging out like whoa
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
