im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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