it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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