Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
