Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
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If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
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Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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