i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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