i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
