i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
