fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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