I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
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It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
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So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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