Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize