Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
