We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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