He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
