I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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