Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
