i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
