Please, let me fuck your mom
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
