$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
