you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
