I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
