I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
