hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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