I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
