Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Randomize
