I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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