Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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