Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
