So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
