Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My cat gives me a boner
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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