Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
