I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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