Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
