I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
