He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
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Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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