When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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