i already hear my dad disowning me
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
