I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
