Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
