You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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