Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
