a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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