I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
