You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
be right there i have to get my cape
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
