Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just had sex bonerless
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
