Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
