When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
