Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
