you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize