Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
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OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
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They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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