Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
