I cannot find my penis.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So. Much. Porn.
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