Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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