Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
