Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize