She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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