alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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