she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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