I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
