Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
