Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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