hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
