Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
