she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
