I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
