i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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