Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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