Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
