i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
