Where is the hickey?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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