Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
