We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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