I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
