Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
