I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
