Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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