he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
