You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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