is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
