Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
